Growing Pains#
There is always a notion in my heart: the more painful the experience, the faster the growth.
Now I feel like I've gone through a wave of experiences, and I still feel like I'm constantly growing, but without too much pain.
During these five months, my courage has been growing, but my focus on learning has been declining.
Through this note, I want to record some recent events in my life; I believe this is a life experience, a wonderful journey, a shock from changing environments. After going through these things, I believe I have grown well and can become the person I aspire to be.
Bystander - Stranger - Friend - Confidant - Bystander#
This title should convey a sense of abrupt relational changes, but in life, one must be responsible for oneself. No matter what happens, one must accept it with joy, even if it involuntarily brings some feelings, including those that may be somewhat beyond one's control. Well, that just shows you are still human, experiencing both the explainable and unexplainable processes of life.
Meeting someone online, for someone who thinks online friendships and socializing are unreliable, when talking to her, I was willing to take the risk to connect with her, including meeting her. We are far apart, but I thought I would take the initiative to get closer to her; unexpectedly, she was the one who reached out to me first. I am quite grateful to her. (I always hold onto the notion that I can handle anything and don't want others to suffer even a little; the summary is: suffer myself, but not others.) After experiencing these rather magical moments, I feel I want to take good care of myself, prioritize myself. If I don't treat myself well, no one else will. I don't have to be so self-deprecating; I can be a bit self-centered to avoid unnecessary harm.
I now feel that I have basically moved on from this relationship and have no lingering attachments. A large part of this relationship was filled with joy, a lot of joy. The pain may stem from my withdrawal reaction and reluctance to let go of the relationship. And then there's loneliness. (The first lesson in life is to learn to be alone and accept loneliness.)
I know very well that I cannot accept someone being abruptly erased from my life, but it seems I need to accept this in order to boldly explore more interesting people and things.
So, I’ll record this.
Outing#
Several childhood friends came to hang out with me, and I was very, very happy. I feel so comfortable being with them, haha, they should come to find me more often.
Environment#
For the first time, I feel the pain of separating from an old environment when entering a new one, but fortunately, I am now getting into the groove. I will truly do what I want to do, as a person controlled by rational thinking.
Exercise#
My recent exercise frequency has been decent; I need to keep it up. I just haven't played badminton recently. I want to choose a racket I like and then join a badminton group to meet more interesting people.
Money#
I want to thank the people and organizations that give me confidence. I will not let you down; I will surpass my current self and become a better version of myself. I feel that money plays a significant role in social relationships and life experiences.